Question

How has being raised by a single parent impacted your adult life?

Answer 1

A single mother raised me, and I think I view life with the limited lenses of our experiences. 

I started becoming conscious of the impact of her experiences when I was about 19 years old and had my first thought about not wanting children. On the surface, my reasons were simple: children limit one's life choices, and they are simply overwhelming. In conversations, I would share with my friends that when I grow up, I want to pick my bag on a random Wednesday, buy a plane ticket and just leave for a week or two. With children, you cannot do that - you almost can't pick your bag and leave or live spontenously. I mean, you can (after all, my father did), but you wouldn't want to be that terrible person who does. 

Around my late teenage years was also when I became heavily responsible for caring for my younger ones because my mom had to work two jobs. So, I would wake up early around 4am to cook meals, help my younger ones to school in the morning, run back home to get dressed and pick my bag, go to work during the day, then go to class at night. I often came back home exhausted. I remember a particular day when I returned home too exhausted that I didn't even take off my back bag or winter jacket and scarf. I just laid face flat on the sofa after entering the house. This is no longer my lifestyle as I have graduated from college, relocated away from home and my younger ones are now old enough to care for themselves.

I am in my early twenties, and this is the period where almost every other day, I have an existential crises about what I want to do or become. It is also the time where everyone expects you to know things and be certain of yourself. Especially as a female, regardless of if you grew up and did well with a father-figure, people ignore such impact to remind you that time is ticking to find a lover, get married, and perhaps have children. Many people are often insensitive to the possiblility that most children raised by single parent don't see the making or sustaining, or breaking of relationships the same way.

The few friendships I had were affected in my late teens because my lifestyle and principles had to be different as a daughter of a single parent, not to now talk of romantic relationships that barely existed. I couldn't make the choices to mingle or be irresponsible for fun or freedom like my peers. Sometimes, that makes me feel like I missed out on something that would have been memorable to my adult life. However, on the bright side, I am happy for missing out on such experiences because I have an upper hand of knowledge and experiences that most of my peers don't have. I am able to make certain strategic or informed decisions about my adulthood because I have been involved in such experiences at a young age.

Speaking of relationships and marriage, often, people assume that children from single-parent households (stemming from divorce) are afraid of having marriages that can fall apart like their parents'. It is the opposite for me and it seems non-challant but I assure you, it comes from a place of thought. Seeing my mother's survival, I am prepared to be satisfied with what's not working and move from a marriage. Her choices let me realize the difference between what's painful and difficult. Life is simple, but pain makes life look difficult. With her experiences, I know that as an adult, I am not obligated to hold on to any relationships that cause me pain and life's simplicity is also enjoyable. 

Now in my adult years, I have questions that I perhaps won't know the answer to until I experience them... I wonder if I want to get married at all, especially because I know that I am equally prepared to survive a marriage that won't work out. People tell me not to think about life through such lenses, but that thought lingers a lot.

I also wonder if the true reason why I don't want children is that I grew up as a child of a single parent and I haven't imagined or experienced enough what raising children in a complete nuclear family and stable environment would look like. I love children and I have had experiences to know that I am good at taking care of them if I have to. 

As an adult now, I wonder, if I meet someone who can provide the stability in marriage that I didn't see growing up and stick to their promise of staying will I want children? 

I also often wonder how my mother's life could have been better or different if she didn't choose to be the parent who stayed. She didn't need to have everything to have a reason to stay. We were her everything. She stayed and I cherish her a lot for that reason.

 

Comments

This reads like fiction...but, it is deep and I can imagine where the questions and subsequent narrative came from. I can relate in many ways, as I had to virtually seek out fathers or create pieces of strengths from various angles to make up for absences. My mother has remained the constant and yes, somehow God helped me overcome her biases and limitations, while picking up my own biases and limitations too sha. I learnt early to try to gauge, to decipher and not carry sentiments - even though, many times you might find them sha.

Growing with my mother, siblings and many men showed me that one can actively seek out lessons, that the streets itself can become our parents, there's so much more, but in all, I am glad that life has created many past circumstances which now help me do better with my life and times.

Answer 2

Being raised by a single parent has had a profound impact on my adult life in several ways. Firstly, it taught me resilience and independence from a young age. Growing up, I often had to take on more responsibilities than children from two-parent households, such as helping with household chores, managing finances, or even taking care of younger siblings. While challenging, these experiences instilled in me a sense of self-reliance and adaptability that has been invaluable in adulthood.

 

Moreover, being raised by a single parent taught me the importance of strong communication and support networks. My relationship with my single parent was crucial, as they often had to fulfill both parental roles, providing emotional support, guidance, and discipline. This dynamic fostered a close bond between us, and I learned to trust and confide in my parent, seeking their advice and reassurance when needed.

 

However, there were also challenges associated with being raised by a single parent. Financial strain was a recurring issue, and I witnessed firsthand the sacrifices my parent had to make to provide for our family. This instilled in me a strong work ethic and determination to succeed, as I was motivated to create a better life for myself and alleviate some of the financial burdens on my parent.

 

Additionally, growing up in a single-parent household meant that I missed out on having a traditional family structure. While I am grateful for the love and support I received from my single parent, there were times when I longed for the presence of a second parental figure. This has influenced my perspective on relationships and family dynamics, and I have had to navigate these aspects of my life with a greater sense of awareness and understanding.

 

Overall, being raised by a single parent has shaped me into the person I am today. It has taught me resilience, independence, and the importance of strong communication and support networks. While there were challenges along the way, I am grateful for the love and guidance I received from my single parent, and I carry these lessons with me as I navigate adulthood.