I am a goal-oriented, academic, and career-driven person. But, especially in my late teens and early twenties, it just didn't make sense to me when someone would, for example, see a scholarship they qualify for and have no interest in applying despite needing the money. Or when someone qualifies for a better job elsewhere but is just so contented with where they are at the moment. Or, when someone consistently nags about a situation but makes no effort to take themselves out of it, when to me, there is a clear way out.
I also used to be a "fixer" - Olivia Pope-the-second and Annalise Keating's firstborn. I would overstretch myself and, even sometimes, do more than the person who needs to fix their problems or move forward in their life. It gave me joy at some point, and I found fulfillment doing such tasks. Until I didn't anymore and I became curious about the weak points of my own life.
Taking a step back, sometimes, just listening and not encouraging people to change what I consider mediocre in their life taught me several lessons. I also stopped offering myself up to solve problems, especially if I am aware of a service or person elsewhere whose job is to do so. But, most importantly, when I sorted my life and cleared most of my schedule - removing whatever was affiliated with helping someone else resolve their mediocre points, I realized mine.
As an introvert, I am beyond unmotivated when it comes to socializing with people. I will do it if the social circumstances are predictable, and I know some people who will be there and have had enjoyable conversations with them in the past. However, no amount of guilt-tripping or motivational speech from close friends and family makes me care about socializing. Do I say I want friends? Yes. And do I nag about being alone or lonely sometimes? Absolutely yes! But do I care about doing anything to fix it right now despite knowing where to look or start from? No.
Just to clarify, it isn't that I don't leave my house at all; I do but in a very self-prioritized and minimalistic way. For example, I go to church sometimes (although I disappear immediately after service). I also do not like parties but sign me up for professional networking events, and I'll be there. I also prefer lunch with 1-3 friends at most than group lunch or gatherings. I communicate mostly with my immediate nuclear family and don't talk to extended ones except my mother insists. I am aware of the value of relationships, read books and watch videos about them, but I have very little interest in making a change in that area of my life even when I need it.
An extrovert who evaluates my life from that lens might consider it one that's not being maximized or lived to its potential. However, the more I take a step back from trying to fix other people's points of mediocrity, the more mine glares at me. Also, the less judgmental I have become.
I also used to be a "fixer" - Olivia Pope-the-second and Annalise Keating's firstborn. I would overstretch myself and, even sometimes, do more than the person who needs to fix their problems or move forward in their life. It gave me joy at some point, and I found fulfillment doing such tasks. Until I didn't anymore and I became curious about the weak points of my own life.
Taking a step back, sometimes, just listening and not encouraging people to change what I consider mediocre in their life taught me several lessons. I also stopped offering myself up to solve problems, especially if I am aware of a service or person elsewhere whose job is to do so. But, most importantly, when I sorted my life and cleared most of my schedule - removing whatever was affiliated with helping someone else resolve their mediocre points, I realized mine.
As an introvert, I am beyond unmotivated when it comes to socializing with people. I will do it if the social circumstances are predictable, and I know some people who will be there and have had enjoyable conversations with them in the past. However, no amount of guilt-tripping or motivational speech from close friends and family makes me care about socializing. Do I say I want friends? Yes. And do I nag about being alone or lonely sometimes? Absolutely yes! But do I care about doing anything to fix it right now despite knowing where to look or start from? No.
Just to clarify, it isn't that I don't leave my house at all; I do but in a very self-prioritized and minimalistic way. For example, I go to church sometimes (although I disappear immediately after service). I also do not like parties but sign me up for professional networking events, and I'll be there. I also prefer lunch with 1-3 friends at most than group lunch or gatherings. I communicate mostly with my immediate nuclear family and don't talk to extended ones except my mother insists. I am aware of the value of relationships, read books and watch videos about them, but I have very little interest in making a change in that area of my life even when I need it.
An extrovert who evaluates my life from that lens might consider it one that's not being maximized or lived to its potential. However, the more I take a step back from trying to fix other people's points of mediocrity, the more mine glares at me. Also, the less judgmental I have become.