What's a time you had so many reasons to fall apart but you didn't? Who or what held you together?

Question

I'll go first...2020.

Now when I think about it, it feels like I was floating through that year and just decided not to think or feel too much. For the most part of it, everyday and most nights I turned on my laptop and worked because I knew the if I took a break, I might just fall apart like Humpty Dumpty and not have it in me nor have the resources to put myself back together.

In January, a romantic relationship I was in had to end. Around that time a close friendship fell apart too. Then the pandemic and series of lockdown began in March. Then, a mentor I had known for about 8 years suddenly passed away in April. Then a mentor's daughter around my age passed away in May. Then, I graduated from college and struggled to land my first full-time job until about 5 months later. Then, when I found a job, it was in a new city and state. So, in October I had to move far away from my mom and younger ones whom I had become so interdependent with. As an introvert, I already felt pretty lonely and alone in the city I lived before but moving to a new state in the middle of a pandemic felt way worse. My first saving grace was that I moved in with my sister.

It wasn't until middle of 2021, once I got settled with my new job and began therapy that it really dawned on me that 2020 was a really heart-breaking year. Most importantly, I admitted to myself that if I fell apart then or now, I had the permission to.

God held me together. Reading and working endlessly did too. I was either working on a project, volunteer opportunity, internship or doing my job. At some point I overworked just because I knew if I stopped working, I might start crying and be unable to stop.

We are in 2022 now and I have slowed down in working with the goal of stopping here and there in the upcoming months to take a break.

Answer 1

Wow! That's so much but I can relate on many levels. I am sorry that you had so much happening but I am glad that you are healing. I guess that is what matters the most.

There was a period we had a succession of deaths that left us shaken. People falling, people who were permanent features in our lives. It was shattering. Eventually, it was time for my dad and he answered. Then, five days after his burial, my mom's elder brother - omo! Warrahell! I could not stay at home alone. I would feel as if there were spirits or something around or that someone would come to pick me. It wasn't funny o. But I survived that period, mainly through the mercies of God. And yes, family. The holiday period was lonely but when I got back to school, boarding house, the harshness and brutality of the period reset my brain.

 

Having said that moi-moi own, let me put my proper one... 2011. May. My second father, the first man I called dad in my life was assassinated. See ehn, there's nothing as bad as that. He was travelling and was like 30 minutes away from home when he was waylaid and the circumstances around that assassination remains a mystery. I cried like an idiot and ran to the morgue first thing the next morning when they brought him back from the place he had been kept. I saw a smile on his face and that gave me comfort. I struggled in the coming months through travelling and stuff. I also reconnected with a beloved friend who I kinda grew strong feelings for. I wanted to ask her out but had to travel, and decided to do so on my return, based on traditional guy. Omo, by the time I came back, my cousin had come into my picture. Let me just hook the story there because the tori bin continue...on bad notes.

 

How did I cope? Family, I guess. Friends. Mentors. Who were always ready to listen, to share their own experiences and encourage me in many ways. No judgment, no too much talk or competition on issues happening. Just them saying, they understand. And they feel my pain. Then telling me that these things happen. But I would be fine.

 

I healed and looking back, I realise that if I didn't get through those experiences, I would not be half the man I am today. Many times, to become the finest jewel, we have to go through certain fires.

 

May we always find healing and strength. Bless you, Halima. Bless you.