Is there any context where it's acceptable to mention a former admirer to a married woman?

Question

A male friend we’ll call Patrick, knew I was acquainted with a lady he liked (I'm a male too), so he asked if I could help find out if she was ‘available’. So, I asked Mercy (that’s what we’ll call her), and after a little bit of banter, she told me she was in a relationship. However, she still wanted to know who her admirer was. I didn't think it was necessary to provide that information, since she had confirmed she wasn't available anyway. I delivered her response to Patrick, and to the best of my knowledge that marked the end of the whole episode.

About a year later, Mercy got married. Interestingly, it was precisely on Patrick's birthday. I told him and we laughed about it. We thought there was a poetic justice hilarity to it, that his birthday somehow would become a permanent anniversary and reminder of ‘the one who got away’.

Two years later, I randomly remembered the event and thought I should share the ‘funny story’ with Mercy. She didn't think it was funny in any way and accused me of inappropriately messaging a married woman. Although I didn't think I had been inappropriate or disrespectful, I tendered a genuine apology, but I've wondered; was there something I missed? Was I truly wrong? Anyone with similar stories?

Answer 1

Hey,

So going by how you describe it. If your friendship with Mercy was still intact and you spoke freely about other matters then I dont think you did something wrong. Especially if it was clear that you weren't trying to instigate anything with your comment.

Saying that however I think there could be many reasons for her to respond like that. Many things happen in a relationship as devoted as marriage that can cause a person to interpret conversations in different ways. Not sure if this justifies her accusing you for inappropriately messaging a married woman. Not unless if it was a midnight or any other time she considered "late".

I think a lot of it realy depends on the quality of your friendship at the time.

Comments

Yup, I agree with M. Hairy Music. Context matters in how you spoke to Mercy. Except the quality of your friendship or the timing, there might be something that might have been happening with her which your question provoked. I am glad though that you apologised. Hopefully, that cleared everything. Or it did not?

Answer 2

Yes, there are some contexts but after reading all of this now, I guess there are several more where one shouldn't. :)